so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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