I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
