I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
