sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
