Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
