i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
