This dress was meant to end up on your floor
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
