I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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