We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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