That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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