weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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