even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
