i wish there were pregnant emoticons
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Sext me about skeletons
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
