The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
