I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
