I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Randomize
