is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize