Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
