You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
