I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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