I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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