Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
