i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Randomize
