im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize