Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
