Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
