Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
