So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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