How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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