So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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