I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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