Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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