I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
