Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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