She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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