Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize