It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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