I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
