My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Enjoy the penises
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
