i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
