and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
