lets start a swedish sibling band together
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
