I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
