sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
