i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
