He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
