This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize