Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
