he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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