direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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