"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
