I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
