I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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