I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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