Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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