I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
