you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
