Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
