I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
