I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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