I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
