she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Panties = found
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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