Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
