His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
How's work?
Spinning.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
