your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
