his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
