What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
