Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
