can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
