i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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