i may or may not be watching the land before time
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
