when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
