Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize