Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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