Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize