got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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