I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
