I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
