am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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