Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
