So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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