so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
