For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
