first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Randomize
