I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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