Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
