I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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