You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
