...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
