tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize