if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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