i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Actions speak louder than pants.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
