No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
