I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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