I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
