Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
