i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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